Sith Armour
by A Lover of Nature
Summary: The Emperor is unhappy with his outfitter over the future appearance of his conquering legions.


Great was the anger of the once Emperor Palpatine, now reduced a life support system based on a world in ruins just as meaningless as his own claims to galactic prominence.

"Jedi spit, how pitiful I've become," he muttered to no one in particular, since his faceless underlings paid no heed to such musings.

That was the problem of the villainous underling; you killed those who showed initiative out of fear they might grow too independent as well as those who should to little of it for their incompetence, leaving only the most boring blend of cold competence for company.

"R6T6, show fleet status."

[Final Order fleet will be complete in five years, four months, and eleven days…] beeped the droid.

"Calculate construction completion if I cut down the breaks between shifts from five minutes to four."

[Calculating…Final Order fleet will be complete in five years, four months, and nine days…]

"AAAAAAH! This is so BORING! Thirty years alone on this planet with no one to maim or butcher! I can't wait to get back to Coruscant and clean up the place, or blow it up, haven't made up my mind yet."

[Might I make a suggestion?]

"Proceed."

[Why don't we send the few hundred ships we've already completed into the galaxy that with their planet killing lasers are more then a match to any fleet?]

"Firstly, we don't have enough people to crew them; there are only so many millions of babies in the galaxy we can kidnap before the New Republic's child welfare department might get suspicious and it takes years for the brats to grow up no matter how often we feed them pees and electrocute them. Secondly, and most importantly, if we launch the fleet piecemeal as you suggest, I won't get my epic moment of witnessing the power of a thousand fully armed and operational Star Destroyers breaking through the planet's crust!"

[Your chief outfitter is on channel 2] said the droid, but otherwise did not comment on his liege's priorities.

"Emperor Palpatine here, I trust that this is urgent? I'm very busy planning our coming reconquest of the galaxy." He declared, wincing as the computer player put him on check.

"Yes Sir, about your order for jet black sinister looking Stormtrooper armour…"

The Emperor waved his burnt fingers, "What about it?"

"Turns out we already did it for the imperial era shadow armour, so unless you want a rerun…"

"Unacceptable, my new legions must be completely dissociated from the Empire's downfall. Can't you add in some more black and make their helmet look like Lord Vader on one of his off-days or something?"

"Eh…no, we've done that for the Death Troopers, but it's very sheike my lord, just what the kids find intimidating these days. I've just seen some captured sets being used on a New Republic holo series called The Mand…"

"I said NOOOOOOO! What would be the point of digging up a defeated enemy back from the dustbin of history that's become an object of ridicule in pop culture for whatever little intimidating value they have left?"

The outfitter did not comment.

[Why not design some armour from scratch as a brand-new start for your Final Order detached from the mistakes of the past?] asked the droid with a curious bweep.

The emperor laughed, "Brand recognition my little metal friend! Can't have these rebels mistake my armies for some new enemy. I want them to grasp in terror just as they are silenced forever! What about black armour with some red patterns on it?"

"Did that for the purge troopers as a big F you to the Jedi Order."

"White armour with some red on it?

"Did that for the shock trooper core."

"Why do Stormtroopers need to be differentiated by term shock troopers? That's literally what the term means! Who came up with that stupid name?!

"You did Sir, in order to differentiate them from all the other elite units you had running around."

The Emperor grumbled, "Fat lot of good they all did to me on Endor getting trashed by a race of freaking teddy bears. I presume pure red armour is also taken.

"Yes, it was used by the magma troopers."

"How red are we talking about?"

The outfitter brought up an image of the otherwise normal-looking stormtrooper armour, "more of a red-orange to match the flames as camouflage, but also nothing too drastic that might trigger Lord Vader."

"Make it blood red and give the helmets some sharp angles to freshen the design up a bit and make it look more intimidating rather than clownish."

"…are you sure Sir? That armour would be really conspicuous."

The Emperor snorted, "no more then the stuff your contractors insist on shoving on me for the standard gear since the Clone Wars because the Kaminoans overstocked on off-white for their planet's fifty year grand redecoration project. Thank the Force it wasn't pink back then as is now. No way was I going to order another clone army with that in the contract!"

"We do have a fairly impressive silver-black colour scheme on record used by Revan for his Sith Troopers in the Jedi Civil War we can take inspiration from…"

"Most people won't understand the reference, but I'll name a legion after him on the off chance someone does to make their final moments in this galaxy more meaningful. I quite like the red, it will save my army the laundrette bill cleaning off the bloodstains. Do It."

"Right away Sir, what shall I call the new outfit?"

"I don't know, I am a Sith lord, not a dictionary. Knock yourself out."

* * *

**Note of the Amateur:**

Just a little idea I was bouncing off for my story but decided it was too silly to make the cut but good enough for a comic one shot. Hopefully its funny enough to be enjoyed by others, and if not, at least I can finally tick complete for something on my account!

Thank you for your patronage,

**_A Lover of Nature._**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Star Wars. Disney, Lucas Film, and any organization empowered by them to that effect own the Star Wars title and its related products. Moreover, I consider that Carthage must be destroyed.


End file.
